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Namibia Honors Businesswoman of the Year

by April Gilford

rhiana.pngThe Namibian Businesswoman of the Year 2007 prize was awarded to Rhiana Potgieter, owner of the Shadonai Beauty School. This article on AllAfrica.com stated the awards were given during a banquet on Friday, October 12. Also taking home awards were Helene Vosloo, winning the category of Community and Government, and Margaret Bennett, winner of the Private and Corporate Sector category.

In the announcement of the nominees, Desere Lundon-Muller stated the Businesswoman of the Year program was started 12 years ago to honor the “women whose achievements, commitment and vision have made them leaders in their chosen fields of endeavour.” Telecom Namibia and Castle Brewing Namibia are sponsors for the event, and the Namibia Economist newspaper serves as the organizer.

In an interview with the Namibia Economist, Potgieter said she started the school with just five students and no accreditation. Today, she has 20 full-time and 40 part-time students, and is accredited through the Namibian Training Authority as well as international organizations. “I definitely have an enormous impact on their lives and this is the biggest responsibility of all,” she says.

Women in Namibia are beginning to gain more equal status in some areas, but those living in rural regions still face many hardships and discrimination. In A Physical Educator’s Perspective of Namibia, Africa, Bonnie J. Reimann explores the major issues still affecting women’s rights. The greatest of these issues continues to be HIV/AIDS, with the number of young women living with the disease estimated to be more than twice that of young men. In addition, many widows find themselves suddenly having their property taken away by male family members after the death of a husband. This fact sheet on women’s rights in Namibia may shed some light into this situation faced by agricultural, rural women:

Namibia is a signatory to the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW).

The Constitution of Namibia guarantees equal rights for women and provides for affirmative action to redress past imbalances. However, the Constitution also states that all laws in force at independence remain in force until repealed or amended by Parliament, and that customary and common laws also remain valid, as long as they do not conflict with the Constitution or statutory laws. Thus many discriminatory laws that affect rural women remain intact, including those that limit women’s control over property and access to land over property and access to land and credit.

Reimann stated, “This lowered economic status can encourage high-risk behavior such as engaging in unsafe sex for money, housing or food for women and their children. It becomes evident that the cycle of poverty, HIV/Aids transmission, and gender disparity will be difficult to break.” During her visit to Namibia, she also toured the education programs offered to girls to women in the country. While there are some quality programs in place, the women of Namibia need access to much more. Strong business leaders like Potgieter and the other winners offer the hope that perhaps the gender disparity explored by Reimann, although difficult, can be overcome.

To read how other international women are overcoming oppression, check out Afghanistan City Helping Women Own Businesses.

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What is a Mammogram?

by April Gilford

Just saying the word “mammogram” is enough to make women uncomfortable. For women who have never had one, it is not knowing what to expect. Will it hurt? What does it feel like? How long does it take? How long do you have to wait for results? What look on the radiologist’s face will tell me I need to worry? Like any medical test, the anxiety over waiting and not knowing consumes your thoughts until that call from the doctor.

Mammograms are a necessity, though. Breast cancer is a very real and deadly danger. The mammography pictures can catch a tumor in a much earlier stage than self-exams, helping to improve the chances of recovery. Even people who have no history of breast cancer in the family can be a victim, and at an early age. Karen Lynch was one of those people, and she writes about her experiences on Discussing Breast Cancer.

So what is a mammogram, and what should you expect at your visit? Karen’s first-hand experience can tell you a lot of what you might be wondering. I also found this video from the Winship Cancer Institute describing in detail the doctor’s visit, the test, what you should do, and when you should do it. So watch the video, read about Karen, and then pick up the phone. Most insurance companies will pay for one baseline mammogram between the ages of 35 and 40, and then yearly after age 40. If you do not have medical insurance, organizations and women’s clinics can help you find assistance for the procedure. Please don’t let fear or finances prevent you from having the screening. Your life depends on it.

If you need help finding financial assistance for a mammogram, please contact me using the contact link on the right side of this page. I will be glad to do what I can to find resources in your area.

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Dentist Says TMJ Helped by Breast Rub!

by April Gilford

Don’t buy it, ladies! This dentist should lose his license, seven kids or no. In the court case in Woodland, CA, Dr. Mark Anderson has been charged with fondling the breasts of 27 female patients. He claims that the breast massage helps TMJ pain. He didn’t bother to comment on the fact that his massage technique includes up-the-shirt under-the-bra contact.

tmj2.jpgI have suffered from constant TMJ pain for four years on both sides of my face. I will admit that at times, it is the worst pain I could ever imagine. But not once in the last four years has a medical professional, including a specialist who I traveled over 150 miles to see, recommended I or anyone else rub my breasts. Massage can most definitely help. The facial muscles, neck and shoulder muscles can all contribute to TMJ pain and headaches. But the last time I checked, a woman’s breasts are made up of fatty tissue. I find it impossible on myself to compress them enough to effectively massage any underlying muscle tissue, and I wear barely a B-cup.

After reading the article, I searched “TMJ massage” on the Internet. Not one of the articles in the first 20 recommended breast massage for women. If the purpose of the massage is to relax muscles, and you’ve got a creepy dentist groping around in your shirt, chances are you left the office worse off than when you went in.

There are many treatments available for TMJ, and ways you can cope with it at home. You can read about my own experiences with this disorder in Living with TMD: When a Smile Hurts. You can also find many online resources for TMJ massage techniques. But don’t be fooled by a dentist. Breast massage is NEVER a recommended treatment for a dentist to perform. Even if you happen to develop a tumor or cancer of the mouth, let your ob/gyn perform any breast exams. If dentists creep you out anyway, check out The Dentalwork Headache by Rena Sherwood.

Lyndsey D’Arcangelo, Contributor to “Best Lesbian Love Stories: Summer Flings”

by April Gilford

bllstories.jpgThe book Best Lesbian Love Stories: Summer Flingsis on shelves now. The anthology is a collection of fictional short stories set against a backdrop of summertime, that most romantic of seasons. The description of the theme brings to mind heated romance when the nights seem to last forever and the days pass all too quickly.

Everyone loves to fall in love, and there’s no better time than summer. From languid, lazy days to hot, humid nights, this year’s edition of lesbian love stories explores the passionate connection between women and women, and the sultry sun that sizzles their skin.

Writer Lyndsey D’Arcangelo contributed the story “The Sight of Her” to this newest edition of the Best Lesbian Love Stories, published each year with a different theme by Alyson Books. D’Arcangelo wanted to write a believable love story that anyone could relate to. “The unexpected encounters that often happen in our lives are always memorable for one reason or another, especially if that encounter results in a coupling of some kind. Charlie Myers is a bright-eyed English teacher looking to make some extra money for the summer as a tutor. In answering a random ad in the paper, she finds much more than a meaningless summer job. She finds love in an unlikely companion as well as a newfound appreciation for classic feminist authors.”

According to D’Arcangelo, the stories in Best Lesbian Love Stories: Summer Flingsare about love, but not erotic. “It’s more about romance, love and loss. I don’t write erotica, nor would I feel comfortable doing so.” She is also the writer for Lez Keep It Real, “Where opinions count. Even if you’re gay.” I asked her if she ever receives hate mail or comments because of her openness about her sexuality.

“I don’t because the GLBT material that I write is for GLBT audiences so I know I’m not writing anything that would offend people. I take my audience into consideration. When another short story of mine was published in Chicken Soup for the Soul Celebrating Brothers and Sisters: Funnies and Favorites About Growing Up and Being Grown Up (Chicken Soup for the Soul) I wrote the story without a GLBT premise because of the audience and because the story had nothing to do with GLBT issues. I once wrote a personal column about gay marriage for the Buffalo News. And I received one hate letter that was sent anonoumously. It made me smile actually because I thought, out of an entire city of people who read the column only one person expressed any hatred AND they didn’t even have the courage to sign their name to the letter. It bothered me for a second and then I moved on. Most of the responses I receive, from homosexual and heterosexuals alike, are words of encouragement. I am blessed that people can recognize good writing without the sexuality attached. I’m a writer first, a lesbian second.”

And therein lies the appeal of the Summer Flings anthology: whether you are gay, straight, or bisexual, great writing can transport you to a sunny summer day when love and romance, and the one person who gazes longingly from under sunbleached bangs, are all that matter.

EXCERPT FROM “THE SIGHT OF HER”

As she turned a corner once more, Charlie saw a young woman, not much older than she was, say late twenties or so, sitting in a rocking chair facing the professionally landscaped backyard. Her auburn hair was tied up in a bun, and her canary-colored sundress fluttered in what little breeze there was coming in off the grassy fields that lay before her. Her bare feet rested on a wicker stool, crossed, revealing toenails that were painted a bleeding red. She was fair-skinned and delicate. The mere sight of her caught Charlie’s breath.
“Hello?” she called out, approaching slowly as not to startle her.
The woman turned her head, but not fully. She was wearing a pair of sixties-style sunglass, the lenses bug-eyed and larger than they needed to be.
“Yes?”
“Are you Miss. Carter?”
“Miss Carter…sometimes. Jessie depending on who’s calling.”
“I’m Charlie…Charlie Myers. I’m here about the ad in the paper, the English teacher for hire.”
“Then it’s Jessie. I was beginning to wonder if anyone took my advertisement seriously,” she scoffed and waved her hand at the empty seat beside her. “Please, sit.”
Charlie sat down, wondering why the seemingly affluent woman proceeded to talk at her instead of to her.

ABOUT LYNDSEY D’ARCANGELO

Lyndsey D’Arcangelo studied at Randolph-Macon College in Ashland, VA, where she earned a BA in English and Creative Writing. After a few years of writing in a variety of mediums, Lyndsey now offers professional writing services through her freelance venture D’arc•Light Creative. In addition to writing professionally, she finds time to craft and publish monthly columns for GLBT publications, novels, short stories and poetry. She has recently published two short stories in nationally known publications for Alyson Books and the Chicken Soup for the Soul series.

You can view her short stories, novel excerpts, personal blog, poems and published work at www.lyndseydarcangelo.com.

To order either of the books Lyndsey has recently contributed to, click on the titles:

Best Lesbian Love Stories: Summer Flings

Chicken Soup for the Soul Celebrating Brothers and Sisters: Funnies and Favorites About Growing Up and Being Grown Up (Chicken Soup for the Soul)

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Christopher Columbus’ Treatment of Women

by April Gilford

columbusposterwaltp4_small.jpgToday is Columbus Day here in the US. I can’t help but wonder, though, why we continue to celebrate it. Columbus did not discover the North American continent. In fact, he never even set foot on it. The closest he came to it was the islands of the Bahamas. At most, he managed to land on islands that were already “discovered” and inhabited, and proceeded with his own agenda of genocide in the name of his king and queen. Are we Americans so entrenched in our own delusion of superiority that we will continue to celebrate a mass murderer, rapist, and child abuser who never even set foot on our own soil? We may as well celebrate Jim Jones for leading 900 people to commit suicide. At least the adults in his cult had a choice.

On Columbus’ first two voyages, there were no women on board the ships. It does not take much imagination to guess what happened when these hardened men landed. Women were enslaved and used for sex. Columbus rewarded his officers for good deeds by giving them local women to rape. On his third trip, Columbus did recruit one woman for every ten men. But you can bet the other nine men were not celibate.

On each of his voyages, Christopher Columbus rounded up hundreds of men, women and children from the islands and shipped them back to Spain for the slave markets. It is estimated that by the end of his travels, he had enslaved 1,400 indigenous people and shipped them to Spain. Many of those died on the way.

There are at least 19 places in the Western Hemisphere named for Christopher Columbus. Perhaps instead of celebrating Columbus Day, you could visit Columbus, Ohio, and hold a seance with the weeping Lady in Gray.

Image from Transform Columbus Day Alliance.

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How Do I Know If I Am Being Abused?

by April Gilford

Domestic Violence Awareness Month continues throughout the month of October. Awareness is not just learning about the problem. It also means learning to recognize if you are being abused. Many victims will tell you that at first, they did not realize they were being wrongly treated. Something in our brains just doesn’t want to admit that a person who is supposed to love us could do us harm. I have heard from women that even through swollen and bloody bruises, they did not realize they were a victim. Instead, they thought it wholly justified by something they had done or said, or not done or said. “The problem was me, not them.” Sometimes it takes facing death’s door, or on the other side, for a woman to recognize abuse for what it is.

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Domestic violence and abuse can take many forms in emotional, sexual, and physical manifestations. Sometimes what starts out as emotional abuse may soon lead to a beating and then rape as the perpetrator’s need for control intensifies. By that time, the victim is so emotionally distraught and disorganized that the physical effects seem just a natural part of the relationship. If she tries harder, cooks better, speaks more softly, looks prettier, he wouldn’t have felt the need to beat her or rape her. As outrageous as this sounds to some of us, it is a well-documented fact of the thought processes of victims. By learning the signs of abuse and recognizing them in your own relationship, hopefully you will not become another statistic.

HelpGuide.org provides an overview of Warning Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships. The cycle of abuse discussed in the article covers early warning signs, escalating behavior, and how to get help. Some basic signs, other than actual physical or sexual violence, include belittling, isolating, intimidating, and blaming.

  • Maybe he calls you stupid and tells you nothing you do is right.
  • Maybe he calls you “fat” in the middle of a dinner party.
  • Maybe he refuses to let you have lunch with your best friend on her birthday.
  • Maybe he tells you your parents hate him and you have to choose between him or them.
  • Maybe he threatens your life if you tell anyone where that bruise came from.

The “maybe’s” are as varied as the number of excuses that he can come up with, but they all lead to one end: domestic violence.

If you suspect you are in an abusive relationship, get help immediately. These behavior do not go away. He will not stop because he said he loves you. He will not keep a promise to not hurt you again. There are two ways his abuse will stop: you will get help and leave, or he will kill you. Please choose the first way!

Wheel image source: www.helpguide.org

For further reading on Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Bob Betzen of Radical Avenue talks about The Lasting Wounds of Domestic Violence.

Also visit these other 451 Press Blogs for more information:

Purple_Ribbon.jpgwww.lifeasachristianwoman.com
www.about-sanjoseca.com
www.earthlygarden.com
www.watchingbionicwoman.com
www.watchingbsg.com
www.limitededitionfoods.com
www1PStart.com
www.astrologyexplored.com
www.about-honoluluhi.com
www.parentingandreligion.com
www.maritaltalk.com

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

by April Gilford

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, sponsored by the NCADV. Over the next few days, several writers here at 451 Press are dedicating their sites to this cause. According to the daily numbers for this blog, at least 150 women who read this article today have been a victim of abuse. It is up to the other 450 of us to stand by them and provide them with a voice.

ButterflyProduct.jpgMy next few posts will talk about specifics of domestic violence including statistics and resources. First, we are going to look at the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) and ways we can support them. The NCADV provides assistance, education, research and public policy information to victims of abuse. The first Unity Day was held in October 1981, which later grew into the Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Since that time, they have started and assisted numerous programs including “Remember My Name” the “Bring Volume to Silent Voices Campaign.” They also participate in cell phone drives and charity cars, and partner with cosmetic companies who donate profits from the sale of certain items.

To learn which products you can purchase to help the NCADV, visit the home page and click on the links for each product. One such product is the beautiful sterling silver Faith the Butterfly pendant from HealthHomeandHarmony.com, shown in the picture. Also on the home page you can learn how to send in your old cell phone as a donation and where to order the new Body Shop lip treatment.

I urge you to explore the NCADV website to learn about the resources and programs available. If you have never been the victim of domestic violence yourself, it is almost guaranteed that you know someone who has. Just take a look around your workplace or the grocery store tomorrow. 1 out of every 4 women you pass is a victim. And they never stop being victims, for the psychological and spiritual scars linger long after the physical violence has stopped. Prevention is the only cure for domestic violence victims.

For other online resources, check out www.homecomputertalk.com.

Other participating 451Press blogs:

Purple_Ribbon.jpgwww.lifeasachristianwoman.com
www.about-sanjoseca.com
www.earthlygarden.com
www.watchingbionicwoman.com
www.watchingbsg.com
www.limitededitionfoods.com
www1PStart.com
www.astrologyexplored.com
www.about-honoluluhi.com
www.parentingandreligion.com
www.maritaltalk.com

Jenny McCarthy’s Fight Against Autism

by April Gilford

Actress and entertainer Jenny McCarthy is the author of Louder Than Words: A Mother’s Journey in Healing Autism. I have to admit that I never paid much attention to her before. She wasn’t someone I really took seriously, until I read about her son’s struggle with autism.

Autism is a frightening word for parents. I remember watching my own son as he reached the age when most autistic traits begin to manifest themselves, around 1 to 3 years old. I had read about it and knew some kids who had it, so I analyzed his every movement for while to see how he was acting. Was he lining things up too much? Overreacting to noise, lights, or touch? Was he responsive or in his own little world all the time? Did he lack age-appropriate communication, did he fail to learn by copying behaviors of others, was he showing repetitive movements, or displaying socially inappropriate behavior? These are all traits of autism. They are also traits of normal childhood development in the appropriate amounts. So when I read how McCarthy had been stunned by the doctor’s diagnosis, I could sympathize with how that blow must have felt. My own son has no signs of autism. But I had prepared myself for the worst and hoped for the best as he developed.

In a special report to CNN, McCarthy stated, “Everything I thought was cute was a sign of autism and I felt tricked.” Some children with autism have severe forms that are evident right away. For milder forms, like McCarthy’s son Evan has, the clues can be difficult to pick up on. She had been to several doctors and hospitals after Evan began having seizures at age 2. It wasn’t until she finally visited “the best pediatric neurologist in LA” that a diagnosis was finally made. As Evan lined up ear cones in the corner of his office and started flapping his arms, the doctor explained autism and how Evan’s “cute” behaviors were actually classic autistic traits.

McCarthy has pledged to “work my ass off raising awareness for autism and banging down doors to get answers.” Evan is now five, completely communicative, and has responded very well to treatments. But his mother knows she was one of the lucky ones. The same treatments that worked for her son don’t work for others, and no one knows why. I didn’t pay much attention to McCarthy before because she just seemed like another blonde with boobs trying to get famous for being an all out party girl. But it is her energy, drive, determination, and complete emotional openness that just might provide an effective spokesperson for Autism. If anybody can bang down the doors, it will be Jenny McCarthy.

To learn more about McCarthy’s book, visit Amazon: Louder Than Words: A Mother’s Journey in Healing Autism.

Read more at Discussing Autism.

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The Twelve Bastard Bosses of the Zodiac

by April Gilford

Beth from Astrology Explored continues her Problems at Work series with this post on the zodiac and management style.

The Twelve Bastard Bosses of the Zodiac

We all have them, the people who make our lives miserable by their constant insistence of productivity. Management style however, is little more than a recap of the signs of the zodiac. Here’s how it breaks down:

The fire signs, Aries, Leo and Sagittarius have one overriding desire. Whatever they want they want it NOW! Too bad that you were out sick with the Ebola virus, if you missed a deadline, it was your fault. Your doctor’s note will be crumbled and tossed in the nearest wastebasket, despite the notation, “I have advised Ms. Smith that she needs a least another two weeks recovery time from her near death experience.” He doesn’t care and never will. Your illness is your problem, after all, and it did inconvenience him that you were out. He may have actually done some of your work, which may have convinced him that he doesn’t need you after all. Never mind that he mucked up the work, it got done, didn’t it?

They thrive on motion and commotion. They are expects at crisis management because they cause so much of it. Get out of the way and duck. They’ll think you are bowing to them, which after all is nothing more than they deserve.

The earth signs, Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn live for order and control. Forget shaving five minutes off your work day by being late. It doesn’t matter if your little Susie had a meltdown at daycare, you should have been prepared for that and left home earlier. Your desk a less than perfect picture of tidiness? Kiss your next promotion or raise goodbye. These people do not believe and empty desk is the sign of a an empty mind. Just look at their desk. And don’t bother taking a personal call at work. These people have a finally honed radar that will have them at your cubicle the minute you pick up the phone. Why are these people so finely tuned to the pulse of the workplace? It’s their job to make sure that not a second of productivity is wasted and they take their jobs very, very seriously You’ll be reminded of that at your next performance review.

The air signs, Gemini, Libra and Aquarius live for the generation of ideas which is not bad in and of itself. It is bad that they generate so many of them and expect all of them to be implemented at once. Forget trying to keep up with these whirlwinds of activity. Their agile minds are always active. You’ll only burn yourself out trying to keep up with them. Fortunately for everyone, they often forget many of their suggestions on their own. The trick is learning to weed through them to pick out which ones really needs to be worked on. Otherwise, you’ll spend precious hours on one project only to be challenged by the boss “What are you doing wasting your time on that?” A “You told me to” just isn’t going to cut it. Watch them roll their eyes as you get one of their famous lectures, this time on the value of prioritizing your work. There is just one way to protect yourself from your air sign boss. Practice controlled procrastination. Only until they ask you for a project the second time, do you produce it. Just make sure you get it them that day. They can’t wait all day you know. Yes, you know.

The water signs, Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces focus on making sure of one thing, that they keep their job. Why are they so focused on this? They are sure you are out to take it from them. Water signs instinctively know they are a mess both emotionally and organizationally, but they aren’t giving up their salaries or corporate perks just to satisfy you. They have their own goals, you know, like keeping their house and keeping their spouse happy. They are not known as risk takers, and their greatest asset to the company is that they aren’t going anywhere.

This is also your greatest problem if you hope to climb the corporate ladder. See how this works? They practically beg to be taken out. However, this a mistake because their radar will pick up on your ambitions and counter measures are in place. What counter measures? You don’t really want to know, but their reputation of being snoops are well deserved. With these folks, what happens in Vegas is their ammunition.

If you want a sign-by-sign blow of your Bastard Boss check out this
book: Bosstrology–The Twelve Bastard Bosses of the Zodiac

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Problems at Work: The Real Reason Women Earn Less Than Men

by April Gilford

The is real Girls’ Water Cooler stuff! Beth from Astrology Explored shares the latest research on why women continue to earn less than men. The reason may surprise you, but is a strong indicator on how assertive women are viewed in the work place.

The Real Reason Women Earn Less Than Men

You’re cruising along in your job, you think everything is fine, and then one day a bomb hits you. No, not a terrorist bomb, though it might as well be. One day you find out that the male managers at your level make more money than you. Even managers on a lower rung than you can be making the same money or more. Isn’t this illegal? Yes and no.

There is no law that prevents employers from paying different employees different rates of pay. It is illegal the pay differently for one class of workers doing essentially the same work as another. But it is one thing to know it exists, and another thing to prove it. To prove it may put you out on limb that could lead to a loss of your job and your career.

A recent sudy shows why:

“Their study, which was coauthored by Carnegie Mellon researcher Lei Lai, found that men and women get very different responses when they initiate negotiations. Although it may well be true that women often hurt themselves by not trying to negotiate, this study found that women’s reluctance was based on an entirely reasonable and accurate view of how they were likely to be treated if they did. Both men and women were more likely to subtly penalize women who asked for more — the perception was that women who asked for more were “less nice”.

“What we found across all the studies is men were always less willing to work with a woman who had attempted to negotiate than with a woman who did not,” Bowles said. “They always preferred to work with a woman who stayed mum. But it made no difference to the men whether a guy had chosen to negotiate or not.”

The issue of “niceness” plagues the career woman. It is the real “glass ceiling” we need to break. Only until it is socially acceptable for women to play ball in the same way as men do we will have real equality in the workplace.

Read the rest of the Problems at Work series:

The Bully Boss
Picked On or Constructively Criticized? Know the Difference
What To Do When You Make a Mistake
Ways to Get Fired
Gossips, Snarks, and Whiney Babies: Your Work Place Survival Guide

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Problems at Work: Gossips, Snarks and Whiney Babies, Your Workplace Survival Guide

by April Gilford

Beth from Astrology Explored continues her workplace series today with surviving workplace rumor mills and whiners.

Gossips, Snarks and Whiney Babies: Your Workplace Survival Guide

A friend told me a story of when a co-worker came to tell her that the rumor was she was getting fired! This coworker was her boss, and he wondered where the gossip mongers got their information since he had no intentions of firing her.

He told her this himself because he was concerned that if she got wind of this gossip, she might start doing something like trolling for a new job.

The people who started this rumor are classic cases of Gossips, Snarks and Whiney Babies. They have nothing good to say about anyone they work for or with, take pleasure in denigrating other people and whine constantly about how tough their job is and how management doesn’t care about them.

Not all of us are lucky enough to have a boss that cares about how we might react to work place gossip, so it is important for us to protect ourselves. There is always someone who engages in this behavior, and it is corrosive to the working environment. While you would like to stay connected to your co-workers and grousing is a common bonding ritual, it is important to know when to draw the line.

First, do not engage in gossip yourself. Remember, the person who gossips to you will gossip about you. If someone brings you a juicy tidbit, say something like, “That’s interesting, but I have to take care of this right now. We’ll catch up later, OK?” If later never comes, hopefully the gossiper will catch the hint. If they don’t, just say quietly to them, “I’m here to work. I really rather not discuss that. What are you doing this weekend?” When you refuse to gossip you show an integrity that your co-workers will notice and your bosses will appreciate.

Snark proof yourself. Restrain from making derogatory or sarcastic remarks about your co-workers. If you have nothing but positive things to say about the people you work with, people will look like idiots for saying bad things about you. If you must comment , target the situation the person is involved in, not the person themselves. “Its unfortunate the payroll arrived late.” Not, “That stupid Jane, she put in the payroll late and we’ll pay for it!” When you refuse to engage in snarky behavior you show you can get along with a wide range of people.

Whiney Babies are a special challenge as they waste your time and are difficult to break away from gracefully. Some of their complaints may even be valid. However, how they handle them are not. Any serious complaint should be taken up with the manager in charge. The rest fall under the category of “Life’s Inconveniences.” Here again, you need to be firm and beg off the conversation, using your duties as an excuse. By refusing to engage or enable whiney behavior you are displaying a maturity that is always an asset.

Read the rest of the Problems at Work Series:

The Bully Boss
Picked On or Constructively Criticized? Know the Difference
What To Do When You Make a Mistake
Ways to Get Fired

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Problems at Work: Ways to Get Fired

by April Gilford

Beth from Astrology Explored continues her series for us on dealing with problems and issues in the workplace. These sure-fire ways to get fired should be avoided at all costs!

Ten Ways to Fired

There is a goodly number of “Top Ten Ways to Get Fired” lists out there. Below are just a few of them:

http://sobasl.blogspot.com/2006/10/10-ways-to-get-fired.html

www.steffanco.com/topten.htm

http://machinedesign.com/ContentItem/68138/Top10waystogetfired.aspx

http://content.monster.com/articles/3491/16589/1/home.aspx

www.buzzle.com/editorials/7-11-2006-101893.asp

The common threads running through these lists are:

  1. Failing to follow work place rules always has negative consequences. It doesn’t matter that you are the sharpest tool in the shed; if you fail to follow the rules, you can fail to keep your job. Why? Because people who fail to follow the rules provide a poor example to other employees, who then think that if you can get away with it, they can too. Don’t be that kind of example.
  2. Failing to show your boss the respect his or her position demands. You may be smarter than the boss, or you may have more years with the company than the boss, but the boss is the boss for a reason. There is only one good way to get rid of a boss you don’t like — work to make him look good so he’ll be promoted. Maybe then you’ll get his job and have the joy of working with employees who show you a lack of respect because of your position.
  3. Failing to show respect to your co-workers. Gossiping, pitting people against each other, or having a dismissive or condescending attitude toward your co-workers breeds resentment. No one likes working with someone who makes them uncomfortable. If you do it often enough, you’ll find yourself without allies or a working network to help you get your job done.
  4. Failing to show respect for your company. If you dislike working there that much, do your employers and yourself a favor and find yourself another job.
  5. Failing to show respect for yourself. Bringing your personal problems to work, complaining about your job, drinking or doing drugs on the job only demonstrates that you have no respect for yourself. No one respects that.

Join us tomorrow for Dealing With Gossips, Snarks and Whiney Babies–A Workplace Survival Guide

If you missed the previous posts in this series, you can find them here:

The Bully Boss
Picked on or Constructively Criticized? Know the Difference
What To Do When You Make a Mistake

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Problems at Work: What To Do When You Make a Mistake

by April Gilford

This is the third installment in the series Problems at Work submitted by Beth at Astrology Explored. Mistakes are inevitable and unavoidable. How we handle our mistakes says just as much about our value as an employee as does our good work performance. Beth shares with us what to do to own up to our mistakes and take the proper steps to fix them.

What To Do When You Make a Mistake

Your heart is pounding. You can’t breath. You’ve just realized that you made a major mistake, one that will cause your employer expense or loss of income. What do you do?

Some mistakes are more serious than others, and the ones that cost an employee money are ones that hurt both the employer and you. But everyone makes mistakes. I tell my employees that there isn’t a mistake they’ve made that I haven’t made myself. The difference in recovering from the mistake is what you do about it.

What you do not want to do is assign blame to someone else. No one wants to hear it.

Do not minimize the impact of the mistake. Let the employer decide that for himself.

Do not blame circumstances (a too heavy work schedule, the baby kept you up all night). That only makes it sound like you can’t manage your life; a poor trait to have in an employee.

Here is what you do:

First, take a deep breath and look at the mistake. What can be done to minimize the effects? Can you make corrections? Can you save the customer? Who can help you? If you can formulate a solid recovery plan, you can salvage the situation.

Gauge the impact on the company. You need to know how badly the situation will affect your organization.

Tell your boss, especially before someone else does. And there is only one way to tell him or her: straight out and as soon as possible. If the boss is not available and the situation is critical, you might want to implement your recovery plan. However, if the boss is available tell him or her immediately.

Say, “I made a mistake that negatively impacted (whatever the situation is). It is going to effect (X, Y, Z). However, I think we can (describe recovery plan) and it will minimize the impact of this mistake. I’m sorry this happened, and it will never happen again.”

Whatever the boss’ personality, and however that supervisor reacts, you’ve done the best you can. What you’ve accomplished is this:

  • You’ve shown that you can accept responsibility for accepting the blame.
  • You’ve shown that you can think constructively and calmly through a difficult situation.
  • You’ve shown you can be counted on to repair mistakes.

Take a deep breath. Grace under pressure is a trait employers appreciate.

Join us tomorrow for Ten Sure Ways to Get Fired.

Other articles in the Problems at Work series:

The Bully Boss
Picked On or Constructively Criticized? Know the Difference

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Problems at Work: Picked on or Constructively Criticized?

by April Gilford

This article is the second in the series “Problems at Work” submitted by Beth Turnage of Astrology Explored. Her experience in the corporate world allows her to offer solid advice on dealing with work place difficulties and utilizing the corporate stucture to resolve any issues you might face.

Picked On or Constructively Criticized? Know the Differance

You are just out of a meeting with your boss, who had less than complimentary things to say about your latest report. ‘”How dare he?” you fume. “That’s the last time I work overtime for him!”

For employees, nothing is more fraught with anxiety than hearing you are not perfoming well. For employers, nothing is more fraught with anxiety than counseling an employee on their performance. Believe it or not, most employers really do want your good will and may be afraid to disturb a productive working relationship. Some employers, being human, do not always handle these situations well, and may not issue critique in the most productive way. Sometimes, they even come off as jerks.

Some employees, after a less than stellar evaluation, may feel that the criticism was not deserved and that their value as an employee was called into question. It is natural to feel badly after a less than satisfactory review or counseling session. But is your boss really picking on you?

Did he criticize you in front of other employees (not another manager; one of your co-workers)? Or was the criticsm in private?

Did he deliver criticism in an angry manner or was he calm and on point?

Did he point out some of your good qualities as an employee or were there only negative comments?

Are the perfomance points valid?

As a the person who authorizes your paycheck, your employer has the right to set the rules at work. Issues such as tardiness, too many sick days (for anything other than serious illness), too many or too lengthy personal phone calls, too many breaks, inappropriate internet use, the methods used to perform the work, inability or refusal to follow instructions, inappropriate dress, (to name just a few issues) are well within the employer’s scope to monitor and regulate. When simple rules like these are broken, the employer has reason to mistrust other parts of your performance. If your employer feels it necessary to talk to you about these or other issues, then it is best not to take the counseling as a personal attack and work to reestablish the trust the employer had in you.

If the critique is issued in an abusive manner (and is not an isolated incident) with unfounded attacks on your intelligence, professionalism, or abillity, see the previous post “Problems at Work, The Bully Boss”.

Join us tomorrow for the next installment of this series: What to Do When You Make a Mistake.

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Sunday Shopping in Your Underwear - September 16

by April Gilford

The best part about shopping for these deals is you can do it in your underwear! They are all available online by clicking on the title links. So get your coffee, loosen your robe, and let the cat chase the cursor while you shop.

murad.jpgMurad Essential-C Eye Cream SPF 15 (New and Improved!) The Murad products have been recommended by leading magazines such as Lucky, In Style, and others. This eye cream contains vitamin C and promotes regeneration of cells and restores moisture lost through make-up, sun exposure, and fatigue. The price is slightly higher than superstore brands, but if you are like me you already have a bathroom drawer full of $15 eye creams that didn’t do the job. So you can either keep spending a little at time trying to find the right one, or spend a little more on you know is right.

Encylclopedia_women.jpgEncyclopedia Britannica Women Who Changed the World This software highlights women throughout history who have a made major contributions to the world, all the way up to Condaleeza Rice. Use it to learn more about names you have heard but don’t really know, or to read about your favorites again and gain new inspiration. Athletes, artists, politicians, scientists, and Mother Theresa are all available at the click of a mouse. This software is also a great way to start your daughters about the legacy of women in our history.

1000_suns.jpgA Thousand Splendid Suns This book has been on the New York Times Bestseller List for 16 weeks. The fiction tale follows two Afghanistan women through 30 years of anti-Soviet jihad, civil war, and Taliban terror. It is the second book by Khaled Hosseini, an Afghan-American author who also wrote the bestseller The Kite Runner. His compassion for the characters and their hardships follow the theme of hope throughout the novel as the women endure their forced dependence on men and struggle for social status.

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